My tumblr is a little too public, I like having the followers and the support but... I don't need to broadcast everything to 1,000+ people.
I never thought twice about holding hands, kissing her on the cheek, being lovey in public... it never occured to me that my happiness would piss someone off... maybe now, being at my happiest I'm more aware of the stares, the sneers, the dirty looks and comments whispered behind hands that we are freaks. If I wasn't holding hands with my girlfriend most of these people would treating me with respect, even if it's only out of class initimidation... that sounds god awful but I'm aware of it... as a 20something white female Brooke Shields look alike I'm not really a big candidate for being discriminated against until you add in the Lesbian factor and while I used to carry my white girl privelege as a shield, I'm noticing that the effectivness is only in my mind, being gay erases anything positive about me, us, in the eyes of everyone.
I'm having a hard time coming to terms with that. Parents of students who love me as a coach would hate me as a person because I love; I am in love with another woman. Clients who respect me as a horse trainer would treat me as a second class citizen if they knew I wasn't the same as them... and I'm not secretive, I live my life out, but people are blind until it's in their face and I'm becoming more and more stressed and depressed over this... how could we ever have a baby knowing we would bring her in to a world where she will already be hated because of her two mom's? I want to be that family, happy baby, loving parents, stable home... but because I want that with H... we are going to hell, or are unfit to be parents?
I don't understand how our LOVE invokes so much hate.
No comments:
Post a Comment